Domestic Abuse-Bloggers Unite

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Can you get out, leave, even with children and still survive? The answer is yes but as a survivor I am not going to lie to you. It is very hard and often the most dangerous time for a woman when she finally decides to leave. So I am not going to give you any tips or how tos. I am simply going to share my story in an attempt to offer hope.

My childhood was a very hard one. My parents were alcoholics and I suffered much neglect and various other forms of abuse including sexual by an Uncle at age eight. I was prime pickings for a smart Pedophile. Now my Pedophile(abuser) was not any stranger lurking in the park. He was an upstanding, fairly well to do, respected citizen of the community. As a child desperate for a father figure he honed in on my radar right away and befriended me at age ten. This friendship led up to the introduction of drugs and alcohol by age eleven. By age thirteen the first sexual move was made. Feeling confused and also obligated in some sick twisted way I allowed him to molest me. From this union came my first daughter. Now after getting pregnant my parents certainly wouldn't help me and threatened to make me give the baby up for adoption. However, I wanted my baby very badly. Yes even at thirteen I loved my child and wanted to keep her. So my mother went with me and the pedophile to Mexico where I married him to have a means to support myself and have my child. So the ultimate abuser of my life was now not only my husband but also the father of my child soon to be born.

We were married for five years. This marriage produced another child born to me at age seventeen. During these five years I suffered an unaccountable amount of beatings, rapes, and torturous games that would involve such things as holding loading guns to my head. Sometimes my children were witness to some of the beatings and I know they heard all of them. Anyway I think you get the picture. I was living in hell and no one was going to help me. I lived in Texas at the time and even the state wouldn't help me. And, the police were a joke where domestic violence was concerned way back then in the seventys'. So I did it alone on my own. As soon as I was eighteen I filed for a divorce and took my two small children, one was still just a toddler and I went to work. We lived in roach infested government apartments and generally I worked two shifts a day as a waitress to pay our bills.

Now this didn't stop the abuse. This man continued to stalk me for seven years. During one episode he almost choked me to death. So it is still very, very dangerous after you choose to leave. But, I am here today at age fifty writing this story to tell you that it can be done.

With a seventh grade education and after a lifetime of abuse, from childhood on, I managed to get out and break the cycle. My oldest daughter born two weeks after I turned fourteen is now a Dr. in English Literature and lectures at a very prestigious university. My second child is an RN who is charge on her shift at a large ER that does accept trauma and treat to stabilization. She is also the mother of three beautiful boys and is working toward her degree as a nurse anesthetist. Now I am not going to tell you that life is all rosy and everything was simply a breeze. Because I am not going to lie to you. It was very hard, scary, and, still affects all of us in some degree everyday. But, we did it. And my grandchildren have wonderful lives. They have no clue what abuse is. So no matter how stuck you think you might be I am here to tell you that you can break the cycle. But, you have to do it. And, yes it is dangerous and scary. But, isn't it also dangerous and scary living in the situation? So you tell me, which danger, insecurity, and fear you think is the best route to take. Either way you will face the same emotions. So why not get out and help make a better life for your children......break the cycle!!! You can do it. There are so many more alternatives today for women than there was thirty some odd years ago. So plan your move and make it.

I am here to tell you that if you ask my children they would gladly tell you that they are glad I got us out. If I had stayed I would probably be dead and God only knows where they would be and what he would have done to them. Remember, when you are taking that next beating and your children are in the other room listening then you both are committing child abuse. So don't stay and be a party to this. Get out and get a life. If I did it at eighteen thirty five years ago then I know you can most certainly do it in today's time with all of the services that are currently available. I am concluding this story of my experience with two very good links to help get you started. And God Bless and good luck, you can do it!!

The National domestic violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE and 1-800-787-3224(TTY)

Finding Stone

National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse: 1-800-CHILDREN
National Domestic Violence Hotine 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) & 1-800-787-3224 (TDD for the hearing impaired)
Childhelp USA: 1-800-4-A-CHILD
Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender/Transexual folk, call 1-800-549-1749
Child Abuse National Hotline, call 1-800-252-2873, 1-800-25ABUSE
CyberTipline for reporting the exploitation of children, call 1-800-843-5678.
Cocaine National Hotline 1-800-COCAINE
If you know of a child in immediate risk or danger, call 1-800-THE-LOST
Elder Abuse Hotline, call 1-800-252-8966
Friends of Battered Women and Their Children, call 1-800-603-HELP
KID SAVE: Referrals to shelters, mental health services, sexual abuse treatment, substance abuse, family counseling, residential care, adoption/foster care, etc. 1- 800-543-7283
KIDS PEACE: Parent and relative, concerned adults can call about mental health related problems--children and adolescents in crisis will be connected with asocial worker for immediate help. Call 1-800-543-7283
NAMI Helpline National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, call 1-800-950-NAMI.
National Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-448-4663
National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-25-ABUSE
National Mental Health Assn. Provides free information on specific disorders, referral directory to mental health providers, national directory of local mental health associations, and a Stigma Watch . 1-800-969-6642 (M-F, 9-5 EST)
National Institute of Mental Health Information Line: Provides information and literature on mental illness by disorder-for professionals and general public. 1-800-647-2642
National Runaway Switchboard: Lists of shelters, counseling; food pantries; transportation. Suicide & crisis counseling. Message relay from kids to parents or from parents to kids, 3-way calls arranged. 1-800-621-4000
NineLine Nationwide crisis/suicide hotline. for runaways and homeless youth and their families. Provide short term counseling over the phone. Sponsored by Nine Line/Covenant House. 1-800-999-9999
SAFE (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) 1- 800-DONT-CUT 1-800-366-8288
Youth Crisis Hotline: Crisis hotline and information & referral for runaways or youth in crisis. 1-800-HIT-HOME, 1-800-448-4663
To Report Child Abuse 1-800-4-A-CHILD

Please I beg you to make the choice to make a better life for you and your children